Hurt People, Hurt people

It's the eve of my 43rd year and approaching the end of another year and the beginning of a new one. This time I always find myself contemplating the events that transpired over the year. Reflecting on the lessons and the memories. Evaluating my personal growth and the goals for the new year. This time last year I was overcome with depression desperately holding on to anything that remotely resembled joy. My journey towards healing both physically and emotionally forced me to return to the depts of my soul where the pain and trauma take solace. In order to be free from it I had to open the door, understand it make peace with it and let go. I understand now that along with the pain and trauma was the acceptance that this also included releasing people. However, there was an element of difficulty that I underestimated; it had to come from a place of love. Is this even possible ? What I did know was that the feelings of resentment, anger and even hate weighed heavier and took up more space than the people and the memories that caused it. Doing it from a place of love ensured that I wasn't releasing out of spite but of love....for myself. Not only was I beginning to understand, but I was accepting that although you may have been in alignment at one point it doesn't necessarily mean you will continue on the same trajectory. That's ok! Sometimes we need to experience the same pain over and over again for us to be at peace that some connections just aren't meant to exceed its capacity. Once you hit that dead end you either find a different direction or you keep ricocheting back to where you were. This one is hard to accept because sometimes our hearts have conflicting visions with that of the universe so we ignore all the warning signs. We convince ourselves that if we love harder or "treat others the way we want to be treated" it will be better this time around; that this time that love will be reciprocated. Expecting others to treat us the way we treat them is a form of self-sabatoge. I agree that we should continue to do that but without any expecation. We all have different stories to tell, different responses, traumas and triggers. With that being said, healing and growth is a personal journey. It happens when one is ready. Hurt people, hurt people! Eventually we develop the wisdom to know when it's time to let go. The actions and behaviours of others is always in clear view and sometimes it's a shitty reality. We allow it to anchor our healing and growth with the delusion that remaining in this plateau will allow them to catch up with us. When we do this then we pour what's left in our own cup into someone else's, which defeats the purpose of self-healing. Much like losing a loved one we only truly begin to grieve once we accept they are truly gone. But what happens when you grieve the loss of a person who is still alive. Can you even identify that as grief? I'm not sure what the appropriate word or response is but there is definitely a transition period after purging unhealthy relationships that leave you sad, lonely, angry and isolated. It's not something that's talked about because it seems dramatic to grieve someone that is still here especially when others are grieving the actual loss of a loved one. Pain is subjective, and pain is part of grief so who am I to judge or grade someone's level of pain or grief. One thing is for sure, the only way to overcome both is to sit with it. You can't heal from pain or trauma without finding the courage to acknowledge it. Doing this just facilitates an endless cycle of blaming others for the damage they've done to you but at some point one has to accept accountability for their own healing. Or that pain becomes your justification to inflict pain onto others because HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE.

Surrendering to your pain not only helps with the healing process but instills more empathy for those around us. It enables us respond to them with more grace. Creating boundaries for ourselves and purging unhealthy relationships not only is a form of self-love but it's the deepest form of love we can give. Purging not only allows us to grieve, heal and grow but it gives them the space and opportunity for their own growth and healing on their terms and when they are ready. Ones healing journey is not dependent on someone else's journey.

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were. - Khalil Gibran

(This ring true for all relationships not just romantic ones)

-RIAlisms